meet you at the punch bowl

Have you ever been to a party where everyone else seems to know several people there, but you know only the person you came with, or the host of the event?  What an awkward time that is.  Oh, sure, you try to make conversation with people you meet at the punch bowl, but that rarely amounts to more than a name-exchange.  Then you're left, standing on the sidelines or hunched over your table, alone.

Why do I bring up these awkward, lonely moments?

Because I feel like I am perpetually in one.

18 months ago I stepped into a world I knew pitifully little about.  I met 80 classmates (a.k.a. "peers" or "rivals").  I became immersed in this world of law school, tracking days by what I needed to do before the ever elusive "tomorrow," reading and/or writing nearly constantly, taking increasingly brief breaks to eat or sleep.

At first, I felt alone in that world.  But everyone else there was just as alone as I was, so I had some solace in the indirect camaraderie.

Now; however, I feel lost in a different space.  I'll generalize it to "anywhere that is not related to law school."  That looks even worse in print than it sounded in my mind ... but let me explain.

At some point during my first year, the movement of time outside of my class schedule turned into a grey haze.  I have no idea what is on television each day, or what shows are on the air.  I read a couple fiction books last year, but I don't remember their plot, or most of the characters' names.  I happen to know it is an election year, but not much beyond that.  I imagine performers still come to my city and put on concerts, etc., but I don't know who, when, where, or why I would want to go.

While this ancillary knowledge has fallen by the wayside, I have attempted to maintain decent contact with the "real people" in my life.

I have a small list of family members and friends I make every attempt to talk with at least once a week.  But, this isn't ideal ... I am also "friends" with people who live within 15 minutes of my house with whom I may interact once in three months (if that).  I try to stay in the know on life events, interests, etc. of my closest family members; but I have several I could say little about beyond their name.  And I don't even know most of my in-laws' names ...

I often feel like the lonely person in a crowded room ... lonely because I am so focused on a single set of goals that I have little to offer anyone in the room, so I make only slight advances on their time and space.  And the room is crowded .. with bustling movement of everyone else tending to their lives.

I think, however, many of the other people bustling about the room feel the same way that I do.  Like me, they are standing on the sidelines or hunched over tables, busy about the business of life.  And, what is sad is that many, who are in the same space feel alone.

But, I will put this forward: We feel alone, not because we are, but because we are not interacting with each other.

The next time I meet someone at the proverbial punch bowl, I will offer more than a half-hearted nod and my name.  Maybe I won't walk away alone.  And, maybe, neither will they.