I love the idea and dynamic of Christmas. I appreciate festive merriment, gift giving, childlike wonder, and holiday traditions. But I struggle to truly enjoy all of these things because my Christmas spirit is rather bruised. It was broken several years ago and, I have found, is very slow to heal.
With time, the thought of Christmas no longer brings raw pain. Now I find this time of year brings wistful hope of something better.
Last year I exchanged gifts with people for the first time in years. This year I have made plans to engage in public and group Christmastime festivities. I’ve gone to holiday themed community programs and Christmas parties and friend gatherings. I sent several greeting cards, and found gifts for family and good friends.
I can feel my feelings start to return to some sense of normalized enjoyment of this time of year. But what I want to say here is, it’s hard. I long for Christmas but pause on unabandoned enjoyment of it. Thus, I say I am Christmas Hesitant, but I still wish myself and everyone I know, a lovely holiday time.
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