Lately, I have been pondering relationships (of all kinds) - thinking through what makes relationships strong or deep and what limitations create weak relationships; how do long-lasting relationships remain through the changes in life and why are some relationships cut short?
Though it is harsh to say, I reject time and distance as relationship limiters. Modern technologies allow for the free and instantaneous communication of ideas, emotions, plans, and desires. The "pen pal" has long been a method of building and maintaining relationships of respect and shared interest. To say that relationships are not convenient is a misstatement in a world where a GPS in a "smart phone" not only tracks which coffee shop a person frequents, but also sends communication to their mass of contacts saying they've "checked-in."
It is easy to blithely say "relationships come and go;" but this is untrue. The affect is deep and long lasting when two people who once related (either in a friendship or a romance) no longer speak - or so infrequently speak that any attempt is stilted. Equally impactful is the happiness that comes with the realization that a friendship born of convenience transitions with change to a meaningful mutual sharing that transcends momentary status.
I have no expertise analyzing or commenting on relationships. But I have a lot of them - of various strengths, durations, and premises. I work at creating and maintaining them. I mourn (pitifully so) when I realize a relationship I had is either more weak than I previously thought, or, worse, when a relationship I enjoyed the benefits of dies.
And so, I wonder - what makes relationships work? What kills them? How do we (primarily subconsciously, I guess) decide which relationships are worth building and which are not?
Even though you reject time and distance as causes, I struggle with relationships that I am not in close proximity of. These are mostly family, immediate and extended. I find myself interacting more with family in other cities when I am in Bombay than I find myself doing from Florida. Money is not an object. I want to blame the time-zone gap partly, not fully.
ReplyDeleteThen, there are friends in India who are not the most active on facebook or twitter. They don't have smartphones with 'check-in' apps. Moreover, their checking into a restaurant will mean not much to me, neither will mine to them.
Here you go, no absolute answers but some more data to skew your quest.
I think that another benefit of communication technology like facebook is that, when I DO see a friend that I don't get to see very often, I don't have to use up our face-to-face time together to exchange "catch-up" data, and can engage in reflective conversations right from the start. Our face-to-face time is then more valuable.
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