Not a victim

This year I have become sensitive to the notion of victimization. I was listening to a morning news talk show the other day and heard the anchor/host describe a group of people who have been affected by some negative circumstance. I don't recall what the circumstance was, but what I noticed is that the anchor referred to these individuals as 'victims'. The thought I had in that instant was "these are not victims, these are survivors."

Instances of "victim" classification like this have struck me as devaluing the human capacity to survive and thrive in difficult circumstances and through challenging experiences. I would love to empower my friends, family, and society to cling to the notion that the label of "victim" fails to account for three basic truths: first, things happen; second, those things that happen don't define you; third, you define you.

Things happen. People experience them. People have both physical and emotional responses to those things. Sometimes people act heinously at and upon each other. This is deplorable and I empathize with people who have endured much at the hands of others. However, here is my perspective on this ... Whether it is a personal matter like a car breaking down, illness or abuse, or a community or even national matter like corporate shift or acts of terror, these things are not directed at the core human being who is me - or anyone else. They may be acts by another person or by the laws of physics that I happened to be in the way of. Or they may be intended to manipulate someone physically removed from the situation. It is often difficult to figure out why a certain chain of events occurred, or what a person's motives may have been in harming another, but I want to start by acknowledging that horribly painful things do happen. 

The part that is more difficult to accept is that those painful things that happen do not define me. I have heard it said that someone was a victim of their circumstance. This can be sort of true ... the position that someone is in may be nigh unchangeable from a logistics, power, relational, or personal perspective. But I am struck by the level of non-choice that comes with the "victim" mindset.  Comments like "x happened to her," or "He can't help y behavior" feed a wrong understanding of how much we, as people, have both power and responsibility for our paths. To be defined as a 'victim' of any circumstance is to declare the person as having no rightful place or power in the situation which, if extrapolated out, speaks to a lack of power overall. 

But, as people, we have all kinds of power to define ourselves. It take real work, but it is worth it. It requires understanding and accepting myself and knowing my potential. When I choose to evaluate myself and my societal contribution, when I actively look for ways to repay evil for good, when I give my feelings healthy stimuli and outlets ... these are ways I choose my definition. When I see myself responding poorly to a situation and I proactively either remove myself or change my thinking, I am defining myself. I posit that every person and community has both the privilege and responsibility to define itself. We are not victims of circumstance or others' deplorable actions. We are survivors, individuals, and people whose definition is our own.