When I was younger, I would go to parties, church, or community gatherings and spend the entire time leaned against a wall watching everyone else interact. I spoke to no one unless it was absolutely necessary. Not because I had no thought to share, but because I presumed whatever I may say wouldn’t matter to anyone. I learned a lot by watching - about myself and others in the room. But I didn’t have connection. I was a disjointed piece of the interactive human puzzle, sitting off to the side waiting for ... nothing in particular.
Then one day, someone at one of these gatherings saw me against the wall. I knew him, but not well. He walked over, leaned against the wall next to me and said “Okay, Amy, what’s your story?”
I didn’t know how to respond. There didn’t seem much to tell. But I shared what I had been thinking about and who I was. He asked questions and shared a bit of his own story. Then he grinned, said other people might like to know my story too, and he wandered away. I think it’s the only real conversation he and I ever had, but for me it launched an idea:
Everyone has a story and it’s important.
Of course, as I had a lot of time to think while I stood against that wall, I started pondering questions:
What if my experience was just as worthwhile to add to the overall conversation as everyone else’s? What if my story could be encouraging, impactful, challenging, or interesting to someone else? And what if hearing other people’s stories could make me a better person?
Fast forward several years. I still find a good space along a wall any time I can, but I also look for connection. And I ask people for their story.
In 15 years’ time I have asked for and heard thousands of people’s stories. Typically I ask people for their story very shortly after meeting them. Some respond that it’s a weird question and then walk away. That’s okay. Stories are personal and the choice to share it is personal. Some respond with brief anecdotes from recent experience. These are usually humorous and lighthearted. Others dive deep and stay there - they start at their earliest memory and walk forward in time.
How ever the story starts, if the conversation bears continuing, we do so over coffee, meals, pedicures, shopping, etc ... sometimes over years of time. Once I hear someone’s story I don’t forget it. If I’ve become a part of someone’s story - or they a part of mine, I never forget them.
By openly asking for - and then listening to others’ stories, I have found connection with dozens of truly good people with whom I may not otherwise have interacted. Not every story is an adventure and some do not have happy endings. But everyone has a story - and it’s important.
If I ask your story, it’s because I seek connection. If you seek the same, please share - I’ll listen. If you want to know my story, just ask.
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