He was an acquaintance and a friend. I met him six months ago and since then every month or two we would grab a bite or just swap silly memes. He was a military veteran, a devoted dog-owner, and a loving son, sibling, and uncle.
And he was sad. Not just any sad - the deep sad. The sad that someone carries around and that defines their world in ways people who don't have deep sad do not understand and often cannot recognize.
We often talked about the sad, and how he was doing. He was at war with the sad. He was still bargaining with it. He tried to be happy, or at least appear so. Sometimes he felt he was winning the war, other times, not.
We saw a movie last Friday night. It seemed something had changed ... as though he had accepted the sad - had decided that there was no way for him to be, except sad.
On Wednesday he ended his own life.
I do not have any platitude and I seek no sympathy. I just wanted to write about my friend and his deep sad.
Sorry for your loss. Talking about depression helps raise awareness and reduce the stigma. Do remember to self-care. There is no shame in talking to a therapist as you process your feelings.
ReplyDelete